Jumped at coffee snobs by a coffee nob
Aight, so picture this: I roll up to this hipster café, right? Beanies everywhere, the smell of overpriced beans in the air, and some dude with a handlebar mustache givin’ me side-eye before I even hit the counter.
I hit ‘em with the, "Lemme get a hot chocolate."
💀💀💀
Bruh, the whole place went silent like I just disrespected their grandma. One dude in a flannel dropped his espresso spoon. Another one clutched his Chemex like I just threatened his firstborn. Barista homie straight up leaned forward like, "You sure you don’t want a cortado?"
Nah, my guy. I said what I said. Hot. Chocolate.
Next thing I know, these coffee snobs tryna form a militia. Dudes talkin’ about "flavor notes" and "third-wave superiority" like I'm some kinda heretic. One guy hit me with, "You don’t respect the bean?" Like fam, I ain’t got beef with the bean, I just want some warm, chocolatey goodness.
Felt like I was on trial at The Hague, but for cocoa crimes.
Eventually, some poor soul—probably an intern—reluctantly made my drink, but I swear he did it with a single tear rollin’ down his cheek. And you know what? That hot chocolate was bussin’.
Moral of the story: Coffee nerds need to touch grass. ☕🚫🍫✅